My Humanity is My Own
I release you now from my keep. You, crutch of the mind, fetter of my soul. I no longer tread the crude paths you once preached; I am no longer driven by your will. I toss you now, to die among your kind--the tissues, the magazines, the papers, to be processed and reused and made into something of use: a notebook, perhaps, for the recording of my own thoughts.
I have risen beyond your proselytizing, have transcended the intentions that you claim to be sound. I distaste your unnecessary preaching of hackneyed ethics. Lists, aggregates, truths--I needed none of these to look with eyes of compassion, to restrain my tongue when bloodthirsty, to treat strangers as my kin. These habits, these accomplishments, are my own.
We are a collective--this is something I know without your guidance--but I am an individual, and, being an individual defined by his convictions, I rescind your crude attempts at ethical assimilation. Whatever truth yet survives in this spiritually desolate world, I will discover it by the abilities endowed to my intellect by nature.
And do not deride the spirit that drives that intellect. It is something no words can contain, an idea beyond conveyance. Nay, do not even point to it, for you point at the wind.
I need no master to teach me humanity. My humanity is my own.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
I liked the poetic nature of your piece. I didn't necessarily agree with the philosophy behind it, but it sounded nice.
I am not 12, so the vocabulary was within my grasp and I liked the way you avoided the typical unsophisticated bantering one tends to find in works such as this.
I liked this paragraph. It was a good "fight the power" section.
Reading on, it seems as though you have experienced a climatic rebellion from the church, throwing out stiff, moral overriding influence. I've had a similar experience, but I haven't given up on God, quite as much as you have.
I feel sorry for you, but good luck.
Hmm... it was very Interesting.
Like Ayra, you had some difficult word for 12 year olds, but most of the other members are 13 or older, so don't worry about it. XD
Although the "Nay" part near the end was Old English (love it XD), you might want to add some more Old English in, as well.
Other than that, it's pretty much what Ayra said.
Again, it was very interesting.
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the morrow --
This is very creative. I really like it, although some of the vocabulary was too complex for my 12 year-old mind.
I was a little confused by this. The person you're talking about is first a crutch of the mind (I get the feeling that you depend on them, or they help you) and then you are tossing them to die among their kind.
But maybe you made those lines to represent what the relationship between these people was, and then now what it is. Very interesting. It makes the reader think.
I'm not sure that I like the use of Old English there, because throughout the rest of the piece you don't use words like 'nay'.
Just something to consider.
I love these last lines. Very striking - the perfect conclusion to this piece. Well done on that.
Overall, I really enjoyed this.
If this is coming from you, you sound like a very interesting person. You kind of remind me of myself, only more mature.
Keep writing!
-Camille
P•S•- Sorry for the useless crit! >.<